Love ........ and other things

Lately, I've been reading a lot of articles about love.  On love in marriage.  On loving your kids.  They all seem to fall a bit short.  I keep finding myself saying, "Well that's nice, but that can't be all"

In about 10 days it's mine and Teal's 15th anniversary, not our wedding anniversary, but since we've been together and we hold this anniversary very dear, maybe more so than our wedding anniversary.  That first part of our relationship was long, we met when I was just 15, so we didn't have a choice, we had to wait a few years before we could get married.  That was the best thing that could have happened to us.  We made

a decision to wait until marriage before we would have sex.  We knew that the Bible was very clear on this.  We weren't perfect (as much as I wish I could say we were) but we drew that line in the sand and did not cross it.  This told me very clearly that Teal loved me.  He put me above his own desires, and put me above my own desires, but more importantly he put God above all else.  Throughout my life, I see that those who really love, truly love, do this.  They say, "I understand what you want, what you think will make you happy, but it's not the best for you"  God does this.  We had some really rocky points in that first 3 1/2 years, we split up for a brief period, we yelled (well, I yelled, he spoke calmly but angrily) but we made it through to our wedding day without any doubts, without any cold feet. That wedding was special (I know everyone thinks their day is special, and they should) that honeymoon was special, that first couple years were special!  The first year was true bliss, despite physical issues, money issues, and housing issues, we were as happy as could be.  One thing was clear and repeated, I take care of you, you take care of me, God takes care of us.  We were thoughtful of one another, we listened to one another, we put each other's needs above our own.  Even this morning, after 15 years together, he was up half the night with back issues and even though it's his only day off he woke up and got Alex off to school and let me sleep.  That my friends, is love.

One of my biggest pet peeves is what I call whiny mommy blogs, these women constantly talking about how much they dread going to the store with their kids, or the chore to get them to the park,or the fear of any social setting with their children, but insist on living in this bubble where they try to look like the perfect mom. Is that love?  I am NOT the best mother!  I am guilty of whining about things being difficult!  So I really can't judge but it doesn't change the fact that no matter how much they are trying to encourage, it just makes me sad.  Why become a mother?  Why stay at home with them?  They WILL pick up on your misery.  I feared for a period of time that I was not capable of really loving my Gabriel, I had a hard time being affectionate
because I was constantly watching and correcting, every minute of the day seemed like I was reprimanding, and setting timers for time out, and watching for the next meltdown.  Then of course you have cooking, and cleaning, and fixing, and scheduling.  I was (at that time) having a hard time being affectionate with either child (the 3rd was still hanging out in my belly). Then it hit me, this is my job, not just like a go to work and get a paycheck type of job, but a God has entrusted you with this, job!  I was a whiny mommy!  I was ungrateful for the blessing THAT I PRAYED FOR!! I cannot stress that enough!  What I am sure of, is that I DO love my Gabriel!  The things that I readily put myself through to make sure he is getting everything he needs, oy!  The IEP meetings, the fighting to get the right schooling, the activities, the constant training for life.  It's all out of my comfort zone.  I do them without question though, and at the end of the day, after venting to Teal, I thank God for my amazing family, my children who are the very air I breathe (even though they try to strangle me sometimes).  Because everything I do throughout the day is for them, is because I love them.

Love is not a feeling and it's not this mystical force you have no control over. Love is an action, we all know the 1 Corinthians description of love, they are all actions, not feelings.  Also if love were just words, it'd be empty.  It has to be in action or it has no depth.  God commanded that we love, if it were easy or passive, he wouldn't have had to command it. Love is a choice you have to make in every moment of everyday.  God loves us with an everlasting, unconditional love.  We have that example burning through our very soul, but we must choose to live it, we must choose to act it out.  Deuteronomy 6:5, John 3:16, John 13:1, 1 John 4:7-11, 1 John 4:19 (just to name a couple)  But I ask you, can you truly love without Christ?  I think you can come close, but I know that when things are hard, when you're at the end of yourself, when there doesn't seem to be any hope, and when psychologists can't help you, God is desperately trying to reach out to you!  Or, just as importantly when we only commit the big things to God but try to handle the little things ourselves, our world slowly crumbles around us, we aren't loving to our family, we're to busy handling everything.  Since love is an action we can't do everything else, and worry about everything else, and love our family at the same time, you have to share the load with God!  He wants you to give it to Him, He wants to take care of you, because He loves you!  Allow God this act of love for you and it will pour out of you. Then you know true love, the only true there is.